Iced In

Kenny and I are both home today with all the girls. School was cancelled and I live so far from work that it wasn't worth it to attempt to go in with the current road conditions. It took me 2 hours and 45 minutes to get home yesterday, brutal! The girls have been outside this morning in their snowsuits. It's so funny that when you are little, the temperature doesn't matter. You don't even realize your cold until your extremities start turning black from frost bite and your parents make you come in :). We probably have 100 or more birds at our feeders. I'm going to brave the cold later, get out and take some pictures of the girls, the birds and the ice. I'll post them later today. Hope you all are safe and warm.

Heavy Heart

I debated on writing about this. Concerned that I wouldn't be able to articulate my feelings clearly and also that it is a very vulnerable place for me... but I decided I needed to for therapeutic reasons. My Ma (Grandma) was put in the nursing home about three weeks ago in the town where I live. My poor Mom (the sweetest person I know) bore the burden of this decision alone. She talked to me about it several times and I couldn't respond... I felt bad, but I couldn't say out loud that this was the right thing to do. Mom and I finally talked about it and I explained to her that even if it was the right thing to do-it was the wrong thing in my mind because she is my Ma. There is no logic involved with my thought process when it comes to her, it is purely emotional and I cant change that. The fact is Ma can no longer live alone, she needs assistance. Regardless, it doesn't make any of this any easier.

Ma has been the foundation of our family- the bulk of my childhood memories are all wrapped up in her. I'm saddened and broken hearted for her, for so many reasons that I cant even begin to explain.

She is in one of the highest rated nursing homes in the state of Oklahoma, regardless, it is what it is.. a nursing home. I go there daily to see her and more times than not I leave completely frustrated with the staff. They do have some really good people working there, but unfortunately they also have a group of people that seem to hate life, hate their job, or just don't care. That train of thought might be acceptable if you worked at Wal-Mart, were an accountant, whatever.. but when you are responsible for the care of other people- care and compassion are requirements. And if your heart isn't in it, than you shouldn't work in that profession.

To complicate this situation I personally have always had a compassion for the elderly so deep that I cant explain it. These emotions run so strong, that they wash over me like the ocean and sometimes I feel as though I will drown. As a result, my heart is heavy and my soul is burdened for everyone there.. Every person in there has a story- they were just like you and I once. I feel compelled to help each and every person who needs it. Being there daily has been an emotional syphon.

Having said all of this- obviously I cant continue to waller in my emotions, after all this isn't about me, but about Ma. I'm a firm believer in the "Bloom where you are planted" mentality. While this is not the ideal setting I had envisioned for Ma- she is there and so I must find a way to make this as positive as an experience for her as possible, while finding away to deal with it all myself. I was talking to God the other day and told him "enough with the character building already.." I'm praying daily that God gives me the grace to deal with this. I know that my heart is burdened for a reason and that I can be used to influence those around me, to reflect kindness and compassion.

On a positive note- she has had a lot of visitors. One of the reasons my Mom placed her here is the close proximity to two of Ma's siblings, nieces, grandchildren etc. Ma's great niece and her husband also work at the nursing home- and they are both great. I bring Ma to my house on Sundays and my Mom, sister and niece come and spend the day. We laugh a lot (usually at each others expense) and it has been great to spend time together.

Maybe

Lots to blog about, not enough hours in the day... Our life has been absolutely crazy for the past two weeks. Hope to blog this weekend and post some pics (fingers crossed).

The rare "Echo Bird"

This last weekend the girls had been playing outside, when Madelyn came in and said "Momma, Daddy I just heard the echo bird". I said "What Madelyn?" she said " I whistled and then the bird whistled, I did it again and the bird did it again" Kenny and I laughed and Kenny said "a Mocking bird Madelyn?". She smiled shyly a little embarrassed and said "Oh yeah.."

Squirrelapolooza

It has been a squirrel fest at our house. At one time there were 9 squirrels at our bird feeders. Last year I specifically bought a squirrel feeder that holds ears of corn to keep them away from the bird feeders. Of course, they weren't the least bit interested. They've even figured out how to open the lid and crawl completely into one of the bird feeders (pictured). The pictures aren't that great, I was shooting through 2 panes of glass from inside. We had 7 or 8 cardinals, some bluejays, sparrows, one finch. I haven't put out any thistle seed this year and the finches aren't impressed with the sunflower seed. I couldn't get a picture of the birds to save my life. Every time I got close enough they would all fly away. I even snuck around the side of the house, no go... I finally got a shot of one brave bird.

The House That Love Built

Madelyn and Ellie built their first ever gingerbread house. They were very excited, each taking their own approach. Madelyn was very methodical and put all of her candy in an A/B color coordinated pattern and Ellie's was a free for all. It turned out great, a new yearly tradition.

The hand in the picture is Ms. Chloe's:)

Cat in Camo

I walked outside yesterday and Whiskers (the stray that never left) was laying in the middle of Kenny's camo. I laughed at the thought of Kenny's reaction, he'd be mortified!

Side note: I swear this cat poses for pictures

New Years Rockin Eve

Yes, I have many pictures from Christmas and will try to post them tomorrow. It's New Year's Eve and we are rocking it out here at the Smith house... The girls are all in bed, Kenny is asleep and I'm trying like crazy to stay awake until 10:00 to watch the weather.

Today was my first day without a Diet Coke. It was hard. I swear there was a magnetic force pulling my car towards the Sonic drive in, but I was strong and resisted. No, it's not a new years resolution. I don't believe in them. I think if you want to do something, set a goal and make it happen regardless of the day of the year. I just though it would be good to kick the aspartame, caffeine addiction I have.

So we'll see how long I can stay on the wagon. Caffeine has been my saving grace in the sleep deprived, foggy world I've been living in for the last year since Chloe bug arrived:)

Wishing you all a wonderful and blessed 2009!

Seriously

Fun times at the Smith house, I got sick Sunday night. For the purpose of keeping this "clean" I'll refer to the sickness as "Loose Canons" of the south descent. I was laid out all day Monday. Kenny was a bit entertained with my immediate need to run to the restroom and started mouthing as usual, something about Depends (the adult diaper) etc. Tuesday he was sitting on the couch and said "My stomach hur..." and took off running to the bathroom. I started laughing and heard him yell from the bathroom "Tamatha, this is not funny". I told him there was one word for this "Carma".

In the midst of our sickness, Chloe had also not been feeling well (not what we had, Thank God) so I took her to the doctor yesterday. Chloe and I had been in the exam room waiting for about an hour when I began to sweat. I had only a millisecond to make a decision, so I opened the exam room door ran out and quickly handed Chloe to the nurse. I ran to the restroom. I of course am talking to myself in the bathroom, "This is unfreaking believable""You've got to be kidding me". I'm also frantically perusing the restroom for air freshener.. But to no avail there was none. I quickly exited the bathroom in hopes that no one would see the violator. We finally made it home and I was telling Kenny what had happened. He busted out laughing and said "You just went in there and tore it up" I started laughing and said "What was I supposed to do, my options were limited?".

Yesterday afternoon, Chloe was so miserable (she has bronchiolitis) that we decided to take her on a drive in the car, in hopes that she would fall asleep. We were getting ready to go and Kenny said "Maybe we should get a Wal-Mart sack and cut holes for our legs and wear it under our pants". I busted out laughing and said "Not a bad idea".

Seriously.....

Dream Big or Go Home

It's time again for the HGTV Dream Home Giveaway. And every year, I imagine myself in that dream house. I register online daily and shamelessly mail in countless postcard entries. I'm keeping the faith that one year I'll be the winner. Click here to see my new home or otherwise known (to the ones who aren't in the "know") as the 2009 HGTV Dream Home Giveaway.

Walking to Big Daddy

The Mistletoe Tree

Every year around Christmas my Ma & PaPa and I would diligently search for a mistletoe tree. Once we found one we would pick the mistletoe and hang it up in their house. Of course the rule was that if you passed under the mistletoe you must kiss. This yearly tradition is one of my favorite childhood memories.

A couple of years ago Kenny and I were out driving and I said "Hey there's a mistletoe tree, lets stop and get some mistletoe" Kenny said " A mistletoe tree?" I said "Yes, we just passed it, turn around." He instantly started laughing and said "Tamatha, there is no such thing as a mistletoe tree. Mistletoe is a fungus that grows on many types of trees". I naturally rebutted his explanation as it clearly dismantled my childhood beliefs of this magnificent mistletoe tree. That wonderful belief diminished to fungus?

Unfortunately he was right, it is indeed a fungus that can grow on most any tree. So now each time I see mistletoe, I giggle.. that age 34 I still believed in the "magical mistletoe tree".

Sure- No Problem- You want me to solve world peace while I'm at it?

Chloe had her well child visit last week. As the doctor ran down her list of milestones, she asked me if she was sleeping through the night. I hesitated and told her no that she still wakes up 2 or 3 times a night. The doctor then asked me what I do when she wakes up. I told her I change her 5 pound pee pee diaper and give her a bottle. (She weaned herself from the breast a couple of months ago. Madelyn and Ellie never took the bottle at home, so this addiction to the bottle is foreign to me. ) The doctor in her kindest voice then told me that this routine needed to stop, that she was to have no more bottles in the night. I paused for a second then told her that I heard what she was saying and knew it needed to be done but also had to function every day at work. She laughed and said I needed to start trying it soon and I may have to let her cry through the night. Sure.... those of you who know me, know that allowing her to cry and scream through the night is beyond my abilities. I've never been able to do that and am not ashamed. So I gave it the good ole college try last night and it SUCKED! She woke up at 1:00 and of course expected the bottle. I changed her diaper and held her. She ended up sleeping the whole night either on me or beside me.. I'm not sure how many times she woke up, it's all a blur. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep... I gave her a sippy cup this morning w.ith whole milk, she looked impressed and begrudgingly drank it. Cant wait for tonight

Smitten

Ms. Chloe turned one on the 13th. She loves to dance, so that morning I was holding her, dancing around the room and began to cry.. Kenny asked me what was wrong, and I, in an indiscernible language while sobbing said "This is our last baby, this is the last time we'll ever experience this.." Kenny just looked at me, empathetical, aware that silence was best, there was really nothing he could say. Don't misunderstand, I'm looking forward to every stage, but I do love the baby stage.

I love everything about the baby stage, they are so precious, so dependent upon you. I'm so taken by Chloe, when I look at her I cant help but smile. I could stare at her sweet face all day. There are times when it seems as though my heart will explode when she smiles at me. And there is no one in the world that looks at me the way she does, I am the center of her universe; and that feeling when she looks at me that way, is indescribable. Kenny currently maintains a small sliver of her universe (hee, hee). A few things I LOVE about Chloe Carter Smith.

The ways she doesn't completely cover her eyes when she plays "peek-a-boo"

Her full set of dentures (she has 12 teeth)

Her sweet open mouth, slobber kisses

Her baby opinion (She lets you know when your out of line) She is the baby boss.

How proud she is of herself when she walks with her push toy.

The way she places her sisters bead necklaces perfectly over her head (obviously a sign of high intelligence :)

The way she sucks her thumb and holds her blanket against her face (There is nothing sweeter).

The good lovin she gives the stuffed animals- leaning her head on the them and squeezing them tight, while smiling.

The way she starts dancing (bobbing her head left to right) the minute she hears music.

The way she looks at me, there is nothing better...

Woohooo!!

After today I'm off until December 29th! I have a lot of posts in my head and plan on posting daily- so watch out for crazy lady blogging.

Madelyns Christmas List

Oh sweet Madelyn, she's made me laugh again. When I got home last night this was waiting for me. I'm not sure how well you can read this so I'll translate a few:

Kpooder = Computer
Kristill= a crystal rock as shown in the picture above
Squerll= the stuffed baby squirrel at target that makes baby squirrel noises

Chloes 1st Birthday

Good Food by Madelyn

I scanned in this image so I'm not sure how well you will be able to read it, but Madelyn did this at school and I couldnt stop laughing when I read it. My favorite is "Mashptatas with graybe". She also drew a picture of each food next to the word, what a love bug.

Sucked In

It’s happened. I’ve been sucked into the world of Edward Cullen and Bella.. The Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. I had wanted to read the series, but had just finished “The Last Lecture” and had already bought “The Story of Edward Sawtelle” (the most recent Oprah book club selection). I always do that, buy 2 books at a time that I want to read so that I always have another one ready to start. I’m so excited to be back in the world of the literate… Chloe is finally old enough that I’ve been able to resume reading in the evenings. Anyway, my friend Andrea had the Twilight book and brought it to me unrepentantly. I read it in three days. It was insane, I couldn’t put it down. All the while perplexed that I had become so intrigued by this vampire, high school love story.. So juvenile; just the same, I loved it. Kenny asked me what it was about and I was embarrassed to say it out loud, he looked at me confused. I told him I had compared him to Edward several times and wished that he would run his lips from my ear, down my jaw bone to meet my lips! His face was hysterical, he said “You are such a freak” and I laughed. If you’ve read the book I’m certain you’re laughing by now, because you know you’ve fantasized about many excerpts in the book. I’m on book two now, half way done in two days.. I read late into the night and wake up early to read more before anyone gets up. I’m telling you, it is crazy.. I’m not sure what I’ll do when I’m done with book four. I don’t like to think about it. I was surprised that the author is a mother of 3 boys, amazed by her imagination and incredible ability to create such visuals of her characters and their surroundings. Great author…

Good Riddance

I've never hidden my distaste for the Bratz doll. I think they look like prostitutes, but with more makeup. My girls know I don't like them, so every time we see them in the store one of them will say "Mommy you don't like Bratz do you?" and I say "No sweety I don't". They have asked me why and I simply replied that I thought there were better dolls to play with. I didn't feel it would be rash to break out the definition of a prostitute after all..... Much to my delight, Mattel just won a lawsuit due to a copyright infringement, that has resulted in the hault of Bratz doll production. Evidently the designer still worked for Mattel when she came up with the Bratz concept then went to work for MGA and started production. Young girls experience so much peer pressure and the media is filled with such lofty expectations of how a girl should look.. I prefer the simple, innocent, girl aged appropriate dressed dolls. The ones that allow room for imaginary play, that allow a little girl to be little. So long Bratz! Ok, I'm done (stepping off the soapbox now).

A Wonderful Thing

Since Kenny and I both work full time, I often get asked who keeps our children. Well the answer is a God sent. Her name is Heather and I adore both she and her family. I would obviously have preferred to have been able to stay at home with my children, however that is not the path that I’ve been dealt. I was blessed that I did get to stay home 12 weeks with all three of them, and am so thankful to have had that precious time. When I got pregnant with Chloe, we had the girls in a Christian daycare center. I was frantically searching for an in home daycare for Chloe as that is what Kenny and I preferred when the girls were babies. We were blessed when Madelyn and Ellie were babies and found a wonderful lady named Mary who kept them. She was awesome and the girls loved her. In my search for in home daycare I had asked Heather, who at the time worked at the girl’s daycare if she knew of anyone. It just so happened that she was also looking for a change, we talked and the rest is history. She was an answer to many prayers...

I am a firm believer that God places certain people in your life for a reason. And for me, Heather is my saving grace while I’m at work. Heather knows my children’s shortcomings, endures the grumpy days, survives the tantrums and loves my children just the same. She has this uncanny ability to take it all in stride and come out smiling. She has a wonderful sense of humor, which I’m certain comes in handy. Heather has two sweet girls of her own, Alyssa and McKenzie so you can imagine the drama involved with 5 girls . She loves my children as if they were her own and for that, there are simply no words. Heather’s husband Andy is also pretty wonderful; he is equally as great with the girls. He and Chloe have had a little love affair; she flirts with him all the time. The trust I have with Heather and Andy is a wonderful and rare thing. I feel so incredibly blessed to have found them.

I remember one day at work I was talking about Heather and her family, telling some ladies how Ellie wanted to move in with Heather. One of the ladies said “Oh that must really hurt your feelings”. When she said that, I instantly knew that she had no children, because as a mother I can’t think of anything more wonderful. That my child loves Heather, and that she feels so loved by Heather is a wonderful thing. One can only hope to find something as perfect as this.

Thank you Heather and Andy- We are eternally grateful for the love that you show our children and feel so lucky to have found you.

The Best Part

I don't know how I could forget this detail of the Pathetic Tooth Fairy story (I think I blocked it out). Neither Kenny or I had any cash, so the "tooth fairy" borrowed the dollar from the girls piggy bank. I know, I know we're pityful. Even funnier is that when Madelyn awoke and found the dollar she came and showed it to us, then when straight in her room and put it in her piggy bank. Little did she know she was merely paying back what the loser tooth fairy had stolen:)

Pathetic Tooth Fairy

Madelyn lost her first tooth a week or so ago, on a Sunday. Like any child, she placed her tooth carefully so the tooth fairy would be sure to find it and went to bed anxiously awaiting the treasure she would find the next morning. Early Monday morning, Madelyn comes into our room and Kenny and I are laying in bed. Madelyn says "The tooth fairy didn't leave me anything last night?" Kenny and I both froze up like show ponies..... Our eyes were big and we were both giggling inside (whoops). Finally Kenny spoke up and said "Oh sweety, I forgot the tooth fairy only works Monday thru Friday, so she should come tonight" Madelyn, took him for his word and said "Oh, OK". The tooth fairy delivered as promised that night with a one dollar bill. Looks like the tooth fairy has gone corporate on us, with those hours she keeps:)

Good save Big Daddy..

Fresh Air

Kenny, Ellie and Chloe have all been sick. So on Sunday we decided to raise all the windows, air out the house and take everyone outside. We laid down a big blanket and got pillows. Kenny immediately fell asleep. Chloe played with the grass, leaves, sticks- anything and everything she could get her hands on. It was so nice out, the fresh air felt good. The girls and I came in after an hour or so and left Big Daddy sleeping (snoring).

Santa

The girls and I stumbled upon this treasure last year and determined it would be a annual tradition. We started the day out with a yummy breakfast at the Classen Grill, then went to see Santa at the Horn Seed Company. They have fresh baked cookies, wassal, hot cocoa, popcorn and hot dogs. Santa is there along with a sley ride with Clydesdale horses. The Santa is so sweet and patient. The girls were of course reluctant just like they were last year.. They finally told him what they wanted for Christmas, but refused to sit in his lap. Madelyn was so funny, she told him a kitten and a squirrel. Chloe just stared at him, perfectly content on his lap. My friend Emily and her daughter Avery joined us. Avery got right up in his lap. My sister Julie and my niece Stacia were also going to meet us, but werent able to make it. We'll see if I can get the girls to sit in his lap next year!

Sisters

The girls have this toy stroller that is intended for baby dolls. One day they put Chloe in it and she loved it. So now, at least once a week they push her all over the house in it. The other pics are of Chloe playing in the packing from a lamp we bought. Such a sweet bug.

Good Huntin

Kenny went to Calvin a couple of weeks ago to go hunting. He was driving into town to get something to eat and hit a buck. I'm sure some rednecks would've tagged it and hauled it in. Thank God Kenny hasn't evolved into that type of hillbilly yet.

You really cant tell how bad the damage is from the pics, but the drivers side door would barely open. Needless to say the Sequoia is in the shop now..

Obsession

So I'm a bit obsessed with fall, in particular the leaves turning. I took most of these from my car, because the girls were all with me. I actually took 100's more and had to refrain from posting.

Bulbs Galore

The tulip party was a success. We planted about 190 bulbs. Hopefully next spring they'll all bloom. I cant wait!! I think I'm going to make it an annual event, we had a great time. It was so funny everyone was late and my Mom and I laughed until we almost cried. I had fixed a ton of food, gotten gloves for everyone, etc. When no one showed initially I told Mom, we better bulk up we've got a lot of bulbs to plant, and we laughed some more..... Madelyn (my sweet baby) sat outside on the porch patiently waiting for everyone to arrive, she was so excited. I took the picture of her from inside our house through the storm door. I'm so disappointed that I didn't take more pics, all the girls had gloves and aprons and the boys had spades.

Lisa came up with the ingenious idea to place marshmallows where we planted the bulb, that way we would know where they were planted and not plant another one in the same spot. Avery (Emily's daughter, the blonde in the pic above) was perplexed by this notion. She evidently loves marshmallows and couldn't conceive why in the world we would waste a perfectly good marshmallow by placing it in the dirt. She tolerated this process for a brief time, then she took herself and her marshmallows to the front porch and ate them all. It was hilarious!

My friend Emily threaded my sewing machine for me while she was here. I've had the machine for 3 years, practically tortured Kenny to get it for me one year for Mothers day. When I got it I got out the instructions, became very frustrated and put it all back up. I hadn't threaded a sewing machine since Home Ec class (20 years ago). So in my spare time I'm going to bust out some pillows for the bench in our dining room. I'm sure that will happen real soon :).

My dear friend Lisa got to stay awhile and we had dinner. It was so good to get to just chill out and visit with her, we don't see each other near enough. She has 4 children and is pregnant with her 5th, her youngest son Samuel is in the pic above. He is so sweet... I cant wait to see number 5!

Halloween

I know, I know, long time no blog. It has been crazy, work, kids, life in general....I'm back dating this entry so that it will chronologically be correct on my blog.

These are pics from Halloween. Batman is Kenny's brother Robbi, with his three girls. We would normally have 2 more sweet girls but since Tim and Lan moved to Virginia Beach, the dynamics have changed a bit. We did miss them!

Kenny wasn't able to pull off "Dog the Bounty Hunter" in time for Halloween, next year for sure. I have A LOT of posts and pictures and will try to post more tonight and tomorrow.